It’s Twelv-ille United

Melville crushed Metro 12-0 – away from home, no less – to set a new club record for their largest winning margin in a northern league match, after leading 6-0 at half time.

Just five weeks weeks after setting the previous record – 10-0 against Tauranga – the class of 2017 were at it again, easily eclipsing that mark, to the extent the biggest question afterwards was: Should they have scored more?

It continued a season pattern where Melville have creamed the mug teams after losing to others in the top four.

“It was a game of two halves,” Melville coach Michael Mayne wryly observed in his aftermatch speech. “Six of one – half a dozen of the other.”

Phyllis St has so often been a bleak venue for Melville, but for once it was happy hour from the very first minute as Eric “Jones” cut in from the left flank and slammed one into the top corner.

Veteran Steven Holloway, who had been hamstrung by a lack of early season goals, came to life with a first-half hat trick – two of them headers – as Melville took a 6-0 half time lead.

The 37-year-old was sporting a full beard to mark the start of the holy month of Ramadan, and was later named player of the day.

And Marc “Hitman” Evans notched a five-goal bag (one penalty) for the club for the first time, to extend his lead in the league’s Golden Boot stakes, while super sub Lachie McIsaac chimed in with two late goals.

The 32-year-old said the whole team played well.

“Twelve is an awful lot of goals for one match,” Evans said. “One more and it would have been 13.”

Evans was also conscious of an approaching personal milestone.

“I’m not a statistics sort of guy, but that was my 49th goal in 49 appearances for Melville,” he said of his 81st-minute penalty.

Evans has now scored 22 goals this season to be runaway golden boot leader, while he is now also arguably in sight of the record 35 goals Mark Cossey scored for Melville in 1996.

Club statistician Ron Anorak said Evans’ five northern league goals in a match was believed to be the best in the club since life member Steve Owens scored eight in 1983.

Holloway, meanwhile is now just seven goals adrift of Cossey’s top aggregate goalscorer mark of 84.

But at this rate Evans – who hails from the small Welsh hamlet of Eglwyswrw (pronounced “Eglwyswrw”) slightly south of Smirnoff – will overtake both of them.

Story reproduced courtesy of Melville United and can also be read here.